meganisms

Written September 3, 2004

I have had such a *great* week.

I don't have anything truly exciting to report per se, except that I'm starting to feel like myself again. I was in the dumps there for awhile, but I've got amazing people in my life, who never let me be there long. I love that about my friends. They won't come to my pity party, so I sit there with my party hat and toot my own little paper favor until I'm all tooted out. Thankfully over the years, this doesn't last very long.

Yesterday I wrote a longer-than-expected email to my dad. He has been sending me Garrison Keillor every day and I love reading it before I go to sleep at night. Of course, he sends it first thing in the morning, which means he's getting up at the crack of dawn naturally. He must be getting on in years. I haven't noticed...he looks the same to me. Anyway, I look forward to the Writer's Almanac, but more so to the few sentences he writes about his life and Marianne. Recently I urged him to start writing his memoirs, selfishly wanting the stories I can't remember to be written by someone who does. He sends me bits and pieces of great stories he's written. I've found myself filling in childhood gaps and contemplating the bad attitude I've had towards him for most of my life. I really didn't let myself have a dad for a long time. He has so much to offer and I find myself finally in a place to listen, sometimes quite literally. I have all of my cd's on an iPod and most of the time I just put it on random play. (I do belive the iPod gods will play just what I want to hear.) Sometimes his quirky sailor self comes through the mix and tells me to "wake that gal with the blue dress on". It's a comforting voice from a long time ago. He used to sing to me at night from the opera, Hansel and Gretel after I had 'god blessed' every soul I knew. I don't want to forget these memories of megans past.

Mom and Jackie just got home from a trip across the country. I can't wait to hear more about it and see some pictures! (hint hint, nudge nudge) She was the one to remind me of where I am. How can I be so blue when I don't have to be? She has always been on my side, teaching me the humor in Everything, she knows how to keep the heart young and strong. I'm SO glad she found Jackie to play in life with. Everybody knows my mom. There aren't enough cliches in the world. She's a poet who appreciates the beauty in Intention and hard work. Everyone at the party wants to sit by Blue, but you'll find her at the kids table making mohawks with Sebastian Sharpest hairspray.

I have amazing parents. I really do. So, I guess this is the part in life when I start actually seeing them for who they are instead of people I so badly want to please. You know, I never really believed in the notion of "finding yourself". I don't know what that means. Does it mean deciding upon a career? Having a family of your own? Knowing that you like cookies n' cream? And if I entertained this notion "go find yourself in Japan", it looked like leaving all that I knew behind me to discover who I was apart from it. But really, this experience has been the exact opposite. I had to leave all that I knew so that I could understand where I came from. Every member of my family is the same distance from my front door. In some wierd way, that has made them equal in a way I don't think they were before. And I have the freedom to love them which makes me really happy and grateful to have them.